Spiritual Intelligence: Influence

As-salaam alaykum!

I have been blessed to give talks on almost every continent (I'm still waiting on an invitation to speak on Antartica 😂) Speaking is a powerful medium that can open amazing doors, yet many Muslims shy away from building up their speaking skills.

Speech is a unique human trait that Allah (SWT) singled out in the Qur'an:

"Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate). He taught the Quran, created humanity, and taught them speech." [55:1-4]

Speech has tremendous power to influence our own thoughts and that of others. When we think of speeches we either think of lectures or "debates"... but what I want to share today is the power of everyday speech, the kind that has soft power as demonstrated by our beloved Prophet PBUH

Here is the spiritually intelligent reframe:

Speaking is about communicating, not convincing. No one can change what's in the hearts except Allah, but we sure can speak the truth clearly and confidently.

When we speak to bring clarity, it removes the burden to convince or change someone's mind. Our primary responsibility is to be of a clear and calm mind to be able mean what we say, and say what we mean.

Here are 7 spiritually intelligent ways to have influence with your speech:

1. Pause before speaking or answering

The Prophet PBUH is described as:

"Nor does he speak of his own whims." [53:3]

We have numerous stories about the Prophet (PBUH) pausing before answering. Sometimes he would wait for revelation to guide his answer, and other times he would reflect. Traditional schooling often rewards quick answers, but to be spiritually intelligent means to pause before answering.

It's not about giving the "correct" answer as much as giving the spiritually aligned one.

2. Speak on what matters

In this is "hot take" era, everyone has an opinion on everything. It's spiritually intelligent to not have an opinion on issues that don't matter to you.

The Prophet PBUH said:

“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak good or remain silent.” [Sahih Muslim]

Refraining from speaking on frivolous matters means that your speech is scarce and people will pay attention when you choose to speak.

This can even be in the context of work. If the team is debating an issue that you do not have interest or expertise in, it's OK to remain silent or say "this isn't my area of expertise and I prefer to just observe for now" This is in contrast with common sense advice that says you must be vocal and seen at all times.

Denzel Washington said it best, when warning Michael B. Jordan about the dangers of over-exposure on social media: “Why would they pay to see you on a weekend if they see you all week for free?”

3. Remember your source of strength

Some people build confidence from their preparation, or their credentials, or their privilege. That's good and well, but a spiritually intelligent Muslim draws their strength from their awareness of Allah.

So before speaking, especially in important moments, we can put our attention on Allah to guide our speech and align it with our intentions.

The du'a of Musa (AS) before facing Pharaoh is a great place to start:

"My Lord! expand me my breast; Ease my task for me; And remove the impediment from my speech, So they may understand what I say..." [20:25-28]

4. Be concise

Our brain is constantly working to tune out long-winded or complex speech. Some studies suggest getting to the main point in 10 seconds or less. The Prophet PBUH was such a gifted orator and would convey deep complex meaning in very few words.

He PBUH said:

"I have been given jawami' al-kalim (concise and comprehensive speech)."

Observing the first three principles will go a long way in being concise. But here's one more: do not over-explain yourself. We lose so many people when we provide "context" and too many examples. Assume that the people that need your message will understand you. No need to over-explain or contextualize. This is especially true when asking a question. Don't give a backstory. Just ask a question. Start with "my question is..."

5. Mention people by name

Our brains automatically pay attention when we are called by name. You can't get your point across if the other person is not paying attention. Despite his status, The Prophet (PBUH) would mention people by name or as "Abu so and so" (father of ...) or "Ibn so and so" (son of ...)

So instead of saying "Here's a solution", try: "Robin, this approach might help"

6. Make it about the other person

We are self-interested creatures. We only care about what helps us. But things have gotten especially bad in the last few years, since everyone is fighting for people's attention. Now we tune out anything that is not obviously going to help us.

The Prophet PBUH understood this and would often reframe issues through how they impacted the other person.

A famous example is when a young man asked the Prophet (PBUH) for an exemption to commit zina. While others rebuked him, The Prophet (PBUH) signaled to the man to come closer and then asked him a series of questions:

"Would you like this for your mother?", The young man replied: "No." "Would you like this for your daughter?", he replied: "No."...
(he kept asking him about other female relatives, and the man always answered "no")

Instead of chastising him, The Prophet PBUH reframed the ask about how it would harm the young man or his relatives. After that, the young man never turned his attention to anything of that nature.

7. Use stories

The entirety of the Qur'an is stories. When we hear stories, our brains are more relaxed and susceptible. The key is to keep the stories short, and devoid of extraneous details (this is a hard one for me). In an age obsessed with facts and figures, the concise storytellers will win.

The Prophet (PBUH) often used stories to teach our faith. One of the more famous ones is that of the man who went down into a well to fetch water for a dog, and because of this generous act, all his sins were forgiven. The story served to teach the companions that there are rewards for serving all living beings. This story is memorable because it is short and easy to re-tell.

Let's end with a hadith that puts many of these principles in action:

Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was the best of people in character. I had a younger brother called Abu Umayr. When the Prophet would come to us, he would say: 'O Abu Umayr, what happened to the nughayr? (a small bird the child used to play with)

This is one of the most famous hadiths about the character of the Prophet PBUH but we only remember it because of the Prophet's powerful speech (aka soft power):

• He called the boy by his name "Abu Umayr"
• He made the question about the child by asking about his bird
• The interaction was concise and rhymed (Umayr and nughayr)

There you have it! Whether you are pitching your start-up, making the case for Palestine, or just trying to build consensus at work these 7 prophetic principles are all you need to exert soft power and influence using speech.

What did I forget? Reply to this email and share one tool you use to employ "soft power". I read every reply.

May Allah's Peace be with you

James