Spiritual Intelligence: Relationships

Salaam!

There's this famous capitalistic phrase that I hate: "Your network is your net worth."

Don't get me wrong, I love networking and my network as been a source of tremendous blessings. In fact, I coach all my clients to appreciate that a Allah puts a huge amount of blessings for us in other people.

But the problem has become that most of our networks are purely transactional, and as we sit and watch this capitalistic system crumble, only "community networks" are going to be valuable in a post-capitalistic world.

Here's the spiritually intelligent reframe:

Your professional network isn't a collection of contacts to leverage - it's a community to serve. When you build blessed relationships, you don't just advance your career. You advance Allah's plan.

Why Does Networking Suck?

Every successful Muslim faces the same challenge:

• Need connections to advance professionally
• Hate the fakeness of "networking"
• Feel spiritually dirty after networking events
• Wonder if there's an authentic way to build relationships

There is. But it requires reversing everything capitalism teaches about networking.

The Prophet ﷺ built the most powerful network in history. Not through manipulation or transaction, but through genuine service, connection, and presence.

The Three Types of Professional Relationships

Type 1: Transactional (What can you do for me?)

• Based on exchange value
• Ends when utility ends
• Feels hollow
• Creates anxiety

"I connect with people who can advance my career."

Type 2: Social (Do I enjoy you?)

• Based on personal chemistry
• Limited to comfort zones
• Feels good but doesn't grow
• Creates comfort

"I connect with people I naturally like."

Type 3: Blessed (How can we serve Allah together?)

• Based on shared purpose
• Transcends personal benefit
• Feels meaningful
• Creates abundance

"I connect with people to amplify our collective service."

Most professionals operate at Type 1, some achieve Type 2, but few experience Type 3.

The Blessed Network Framework

Principle 1: Give First, Give Always

"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." [Bukhari]

Traditional networking says: "Collect contacts, cash them in later." Blessed networking says: "Give value immediately, expect nothing in return."

The 5-1 Rule: For every one thing you might eventually ask, give five things first:

• Introductions to helpful people
• Resources they need
• Opportunities you hear about
• Advice from your expertise
• Support for their initiatives

But the key (and the challenge) is to give without expectation. If you are merely focusing on giving to meet the 5-1 Rule (or to get something in return), then this won't be effective. More on this later.

Principle 2: Connect Others More Than Yourself

"Whoever facilitates a good deed is like the one who does it." [Tirmidhi]

Become a bridge, not a collector:

• Introduce two people who should know each other
• Share opportunities you can't take
• Celebrate others' wins publicly
• Facilitate connections without being involved
• Send your leads to other businesses

A startup founder made it his practice to introduce three people weekly who could help each other. He never inserted himself into the value exchange.

Result? He became known as the "super connector." People brought him opportunities just to be in his network. His company grew through relationships he facilitated, not extracted from.

Principle 3: Depth Over Width

The Prophet ﷺ had twelve close companions who changed the world. Not 12,000 LinkedIn connections.

The Circle System:

Inner Circle (5-12 people): Your spiritual-professional board

• Deep mutual investment
• Regular meaningful contact
• Life-level support
• Would help you bury a body (metaphorically)

Trust Circle (50-150 people): Your active community

• Regular interaction
• Mutual support
• Professional collaboration
• Would help you move houses

Service Circle (500+ people): Your field of service

• Occasional interaction
• You serve them without expecting return
• They benefit from your gifts
• Would attend your funeral

Focus 80% energy on inner circle, 15% on trust circle, 5% on service circle.

The Blessed Introduction Protocol

When meeting someone new:

Step 1: Lead with Service "What are you working on that you're excited about?" (Not "What do you do?" - that's about title, not purpose)

Step 2: Listen for Pain What challenge do they mention? What frustration do they express? What goal are they pursuing?

Step 3: Offer Value "I know someone who faced that exact challenge..." "There's a resource that might help..." "I just learned something relevant..."

Step 4: Follow Through Send the introduction/resource within 24 hours No strings attached No tracking of favors No expectation of reciprocity

Step 5: Preserve Connection Add them to your prayer list Check in quarterly without agenda Celebrate their wins Support during challenges

The Four Laws of Blessed Networking

Law 1: The Rizq Reality

"And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision." [11:6]

Your network doesn't provide your rizq - Allah does. Your network is simply the vehicle He uses.

Stop networking from scarcity ("I need connections to succeed"). Start networking from abundance ("I have value to share").

Law 2: The Mirror Principle

"The believers are like a mirror to one another." [Abu Dawud]

Your network reflects your inner state:

• If you're transactional, you attract users
• If you're genuine, you attract servers
• If you're purposeful, you attract partners

Want better connections? Become a better connector.

Law 3: The Compound Effect Every blessed relationship creates ripples:

• Help one person genuinely
• They help others from that inspiration
• Those others help more others
• Your initial service compounds infinitely

Law 4: The Protection Protocol Not every connection is blessed. Some are tests:

• Energy vampires who only take
• Manipulators who exploit kindness
• Toxic personalities who spread negativity

Signs to disconnect:

• They only contact you when they need something
• They never celebrate your wins
• They consistently violate boundaries
• They make you feel spiritually drained

Protection isn't harsh - it's wise. The Prophet ﷺ maintained boundaries even while serving everyone.

The Networking Transformation Plan

Week 1-2: Audit Current Network

• List your professional connections
• Categorize: Blessed, Social, or Transactional
• Identify energy givers vs energy takers
• Notice patterns in your relationships

Week 3-4: Shift to Service

• Reach out to 5 connections just to help
• Make 3 introductions between others
• Share 5 resources without being asked
• Celebrate others' wins publicly

Week 5-6: Deepen Key Relationships

• Identify your Inner Circle (5-12 people)
• Schedule meaningful conversations
• Offer substantial help to each
• Build beyond professional into personal

Week 7-8: Expand Through Service

• Join communities to serve, not take
• Offer expertise without expectation
• Connect others more than yourself
• Build reputation as giver

The Blessed Networking Scripts

When someone asks for connection: "I'd be happy to connect. What would be most helpful for you to discuss with them?"

When offering help: "I noticed you're working on X. I have some experience with that. Would it be helpful if I shared what I learned?"

When making introductions: "I think you two should know each other. You're both working on similar challenges and might be able to support each other."

When setting boundaries: "I want to be helpful, but I'm not able to commit to that right now. Here's what I can do instead..."

The Digital Network Strategy

LinkedIn Approach:

• Write recommendations without being asked
• Plug-in people's business in the comments
• Introduce connections publicly
• Celebrate others' achievements

Email Approach:

• Send quarterly check-ins without agenda
• Share relevant opportunities you see
• Forward helpful resources
• Keep messages brief and valuable

WhatsApp/Text Approach:

• Send encouragement during challenges
• Share quick wins and celebrations
• Forward opportunities that fit them
• Respect time and boundaries

The Ultimate Network Test

You have a blessed network when:

• People succeed and thank you years later for a connection you forgot you made
• Opportunities come through people you helped without expecting return
• Your "competitors" become collaborators
• You feel energized, not drained, after professional interactions
• Your network serves a purpose bigger than your career

Let me share a simple example from my own life:

Back in 2012, I ran a modest fashion startup with my wife and was interested in VC funding. One of the top startup accelerators at the time was founded by an ex-Googler and was called AngelPad. I did my research and discovered his wife was french and an artist. Three years later in 2o15 when I moved to NYC, I ran into him and his wife just randomly walking in NYC. I stopped them and introduced myself but instead of pitching (like everyone does), I just spoke French with his wife and asked her about her art. Then a few months later, I ran into him and his son at a playground with my kids and we connected further. No pitch or favors. I never raised from them, but was still connected and on good terms for many years.

But here's how being Muslim helps me. I know that at the end of the day Allah is the Provider and that anything that is meant for me will come no matter what someone does or doesn't do. This certainty in Allah's Provision allows me to relax and not have to fake my interest in people. I just focus on learning more about them and I ask Allah for the sustenance. That's the key: never feeling at the mercy of the creation and instead tapping into our connection with the Creator.

The Network Revolution

Here's what transforms when you build blessed relationships:

• Networking stops feeling dirty
• Connections become community
• Transactions become transformations
• Contacts become companions
• Career advances through service

You stop asking: "Who can help me succeed?" You start asking: "Who can I help succeed?"

Who in your network needs your help this week, with no expectation of return?

Reply and let me know.

Peace and blessings,

James